vardaesque:

saevuswinds:

vardaesque:

you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started

Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself.  So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left. 

BLESS YOU

vardaesque:

saevuswinds:

vardaesque:

you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started

Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself.  So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left. 

BLESS YOU

(Source: abadeerzs)

deepspooking:

an important graph for everyone to see thank u

deepspooking:

an important graph for everyone to see thank u

judgebunnie:

koipatches:

hyperactivetardis:

thezookeeperisveryfondofrum:

scottishkilt:

itsallbluehair:

jaelabi:

"From the original poster:

So, I’m in Kentucky for work and today when we got back, 1000 high school students had checked into our hotel. They had been making quite the ruckus tonight, but then did this to celebrate the start of the Olympics. Not the best video, (cause my fear kept me pretty far from the edge) but that’s 18 levels of them singing! Amazing!

Video credit: Michelle Johnson (Facebook)”

omg

Ho-Lee-Sh*t.

image

i got f*cking chills omg

THAT SOPRANO D*MN. F*CK

DAAAAAAYYYYMMMMM

Reblog if you play animal crossing and you’re older than 15

pumpkab00:

pumpkab00:

I want to see how many people that play animal crossing aren’t little kids!

This got a lot of notes, yay acnl ♡

ichthyologist:

lovedarts:

This is an accurate depicition of how I envision Australia.

Taking selfies with the clock spider

image

dicksquadd:

THIS IS SO CUTE

I think I feel too much
Six Word Story - c.b (deadly—sins)

(Source: deadly--sins)

ca-tsuka:

Mondo is celabrating LAIKA Animation Studios with releases of CORALINE & PARANORMAN soundtracks on deluxe limited edition vinyl.

thekawaiiod:

[ Trouble maker ] by envyra

mervley:

"Badassfully, are you sleeping with my sister?"
"Slumber would be difficult due to the energetic nature of our copulation."

vvvvvvvvvvirtual-head:

It doesn’t look like a cat anymore when it turns its head.

(Source: snoopy409)

(Source: sweetbabyblue05)

weagueofwegends:

Officer Vi (and Pink Donut) by 2gold